memory

Memory can play false for anyone. The mind can create its own story, its own pictures. I fear that if Ash keeps repeating HER story, it will become the only truth she will know. I have a sister who is just like that. Some people can convince themselves of anything. Its heart-breaking because no matter what you try to say to them....they cannot hear you anymore.
I have a story...she has a story...Which of us has ironed out the many wrinkles that made the landscape of our life together ? Which of us has changed the whole fabric of our lives?

Signs

How far back can I look for the signs that my child had a problem ? For sure... at least in high school ... But I remember what a beautiful baby she was. Easy to take care of. She was very funny and loving. Very smart , actually considered a gifted child. I remember walking with her to Luigi's and laughing and talking a lot. I thought I was a very blessed parent. Both my daughters loved and trusted me. I could withstand anything because we always had each other. I never thought that could change.
One of the hardest things I have had to face was loosing my baby brother...he loved my daughters more than anyone. It has been many years, but I still miss him everyday. I wished he could have met my grand-children. He would have been wonderful to them. Im glad he can not see what has become of my relationship with Ash. I know it would have almost broken his heart to see how she feels about me. How can she not want me or her sister to be the ones to stand at her back when things get rough ? She should remember that even if she is wrong...I would still love her.
How do you fix a broken thing....when you dont have the tools or knowledge ????

I remember moments....of trust, of love, of laughter, shared grief.....
Can I really be such a monster? How can I remember joy ? Did I loose my daughter. Will she ever come back before its to late ? What can make someone misplace so many memories of goodness and only see pain where she looks ? After 28 years how can she not see the real person that I am ?
How can she not know who we have always been ...together...as a family...
Who remembers the wrong past ? She doesn't fear the future that I see... She has no CARE for what I see coming.